The Dark Walk

April 5, 2023

The moon produced hints of light that made me uneasy as we walked from the upper room to the garden. Shadows appeared and vanished like a breath around every corner. I kept my head down, focusing only on the stones one or two paces ahead of me, watching the steady swaying of Andrew’s outer robe.

Matthew nudged me in the back with his staff. Much harder than needed.

I couldn’t have been the only one who slowed as we passed places where soldiers liked to gather. I raised my head.

The Master walked steadily in front. His head held high. His shoulders resolute.

Why did we have to do this in the middle of the night? We should be in a safe place, not out in the open like this.

If I were a betting man, I’d wager the other disciples followed without hesitation—not me. The Master made it sound like all would be well, but I didn’t see how it could be. Not with everything I’d heard. A few of us had talked about the threats and the strong possibility things were going to get bad. We usually had these talks in small groups away from the Master. Maybe I wasn’t the only one who wasn’t comfortable.

Matthew’s staff again—right in the middle of my back. “Step up, Thomas.”

No need to turn to face him. He had no patience. You’d think he would want as many friends as possible as despised as he had been as a tax collector. But then again Jesus treated him differently than the rest of the world. As we all should, I suppose. But if he pushes me with that stick again.

Jesus walked at least twenty paces ahead of me, His head not turning the least bit right or left. “Thomas? Are you with us?”

How does He do that? I know what he means. He doesn’t want to know if I am physically keeping up. He wants to know if I am with them. Thing is, He didn’t have to ask. He knows. He just wants me to know.

I’ll say it anyway. “I am, Master.”

A smile spread across my face because I knew Jesus was probably smiling, too. He always knew exactly what to say. Like He knew what we were thinking without us saying a single word.[1]

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Earlier that evening, Jesus continued to teach the disciples. He had washed their feet, shared a final Passover meal, and promised them the Helper, the Holy Spirit, would come to them when He was gone. He encouraged them to love each other in His absence. As part of his last-minute teaching, He shared these words.

“Greater love has no one than this, that a person will lay down his life for his friends.” (John 15:13, NASB)

As Jesus and His disciples made their way to the garden of Gethsemane, He prepared them for His impending death and resurrection. At least with as much information as they could understand.

Jesus, as the Son of God, knew what lay ahead for Him. As the Son of Man, He felt the weight of what was to come as He led His followers to the garden. Within a few hours, He would pray, alone, to the Father, under stress that might kill an ordinary man. Look at what Matthew tells us about His prayer.

“Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.” (Matthew 26:38, NIV)

How is it that He could, at this terrible time, speak of loving someone so much? Shouldn’t He be angry, bitter, or vindictive? You and I might have been. He was not. The book of John tells us that the closer Jesus got to His planned death, the more He spoke of love.

I don’t understand it. I can’t even imagine what it was like to be so overwhelmed that an angel had to come to his aid. Or that He was under so much agony that His sweat fell like drops of blood.

“Now an angel from heaven appeared to Him, strengthening Him. And being in agony, He was praying very fervently; and His sweat became like drops of blood, falling down upon the ground.” (Luke 22:43-44, NASB)

But I am thankful that before I was born, He knew I needed a bridge to God that only He could provide and out of His love, died that I may live.

May we remember this Easter season, that Jesus Christ, our Savior, loved us enough that He would willingly endure the emotional and physical pain that it took to die for our salvation. May we follow Him in obedience to love one another as He loved us.

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[1] It isn’t my intention to add or take away from the Bible with this short story of historical fiction from Thomas’ point of view, as the disciples walked from the upper room to the Garden of Gethsemane. It is my intention to share how I believe the Bible shows us that Jesus out of love for us, endured the unthinkable, on our behalf.