You Must Be Proud!

Those words make me cringe.

This year I decided to not attend the Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writers Conference in person. I and many others opted for the virtual option.

The newly offered virtual option and Zoom sessions (ran by conferee volunteers) allowed me to manage my people time and energy levels much more effectively than in person. The Zoomies, as we called ourselves, regularly had between fifteen and twenty writers in the room at any given time. The topic of awards cropped up every now and again, especially on Wednesday, the day of the Awards Ceremony. I never participated in those discussions until Wednesday afternoon when someone asked that those who had submitted for an award raise their hand. I had a quick debate with myself and finally raised my hand.

You see, I have trouble with the whole recognition thing. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not because I am so humble I don’t want recognition.

It’s more about fear. On several fronts.

For one, I don’t want others knowing I’ve submitted in case I don’t win. I know, I know. There is no shame in submitting and not winning. There are plenty who are better writers than me who don’t win. When writers I know don’t win, the furthest thought from my mind is, “They must be a terrible writer if they didn’t win.”

Second, if I do win, my head tells me I’ve accomplished something. Any rational person would agree. They would say, “You have accomplished something. That’s a good thing.” However, even with an award, I don’t believe it.

And last, only because describing three of my troubling traits seems plenty to get the point across, I believe there are others more deserving.

I’ve won two awards at the Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writers Conference in the last two years.

In 2019, Cutty won first place in the 2019 Suspense/Mystery category of unpublished completed manuscripts. Instead of making some major edits in an effort to get Cutty ready for publication, I felt I needed to work on something fresh. I began work on Return to Restless Creek.

This year, Return to Restless Creek took first place in the Contemporary Fiction category for unpublished completed manuscripts.

Now I have two award-winning manuscripts and yet I still fight imposter syndrome almost every day. Unless you are a very close friend, you probably wouldn’t pick up on my insecurities at first, because I choose to wear my “I’m working my writing plan… I’m almost there… Boy, this is fun…” mask in public.

I’m sharing my fears because you may also be someone who feels like you are fighting against something day-in and day-out. For me, it is self-doubt, even on the heels of accomplishment. For you, it may be the same. Or, could be you haven’t experienced the recognition you believe you deserve. Maybe a debilitating illness, grief, depression, or a surrounding of nay-sayers keeps you from moving forward. Here’s hope for you and me.

Do you remember the story of David and Goliath?

David was a young shepherd checking on his brothers for his dad. While leaving them with food, Goliath came out as he had been doing for the last forty days and taunted the Israelite army. David, astounded that everyone let Goliath get by with such an act against God, offered to fight Goliath.

David’s older brother, Eliab, and Saul tried to talk him down, but David wouldn’t leave. Saul gave up arguing and as a last resort, put his own armor on David to protect him. David refused to wear it because he wasn’t used to wearing full armor. Instead, he gathered his sling and a few stones and headed toward Goliath. After Goliath taunted David personally, David said this.

“You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the LORD Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied.” (1 Samuel 17:45, NIV)

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If we are called to something, be it writing, teaching, nursing, project management, sales, accounting, homemaking—whatever it is, Satan seeks to defy that calling. Samuel tells us that as Goliath moved closer to David, David actually ran to meet him. He could do this because he ran in the name of the LORD. We write, we teach, we nurse, we sell… in the name of the LORD.

God will have His name glorified, through us, as He did with David.

I’m encouraged by David’s example. How about you?

Today’s feature photo comes from a “photo-a-day” challenge I pursued several years ago. The photo inspires the topic. For me, the posts challenge my creativity, writing discipline, and dependence on God for His message. My prayer is that you find hope in God’s Word, and that you’ll share your hope with others.