I think of friends…

My wife sat with the small cardboard box in her lap. She lifted the gift, weighing it in the air. “What is it?”

“Open it,” her friend said.

I looked on from the recliner, eyebrows raised.

My wife pulled back the box flaps revealing a Styrofoam cover protecting something fragile.

Her friend motioned for her to continue while her husband stood across the room grinning.

My wife cut her eyes at me. “This is exciting.” She lifted the protective lid and pulled the horse from his gift box home. She held the horse high, rotating its body to face her. “I love it.”

Now, that’s not exactly the way it happened, but I’m sure it was close.

Though not a uniformed employee, my wife worked at the Charlotte Fire Department for nine years. She served as Budget Manager, using her gifts, talents and an uncanny ability to solve problems to support an amazing organization.

Her work mattered to her and her friend knew that.

How does that happen? How do we find ourselves in relationships meaningful enough to make a difference in someone else’s life?

Proverbs 27:17 tells us, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” (New International Version).

Many of us have read and heard that verse several times over. It’s one of those that almost becomes cliché to our ears. We hear it and say to ourselves, Yep, sure does.

There are plenty of articles, Bible studies and posts out there about this verse, so I won’t belabor it, but to say iron sharpening iron takes a certain kind of effort. We have to be intentional.

My wife is. You can hear it in an animated conversation as she shares exciting news, consoles a troubled friend or gives them honest feedback on their dilemma. Or see it in a card, using way more words than I believe necessary to get the point across. And smell it in the chicken and dumplings she makes for them.

Some of you guys may say, “Lots of words and making a meal is not really my thing.”

Doesn’t have to be. Let me show you.

Sometime around 1995 our small bi-weekly Men’s Bible study had just let out. In this case, all the men involved in the study were married—except for me. Our small group picked a topic of interest each week and sought instruction from the Bible on how be a Christ-reflecting man around that topic.

On this evening, one of my good friends, an Associate Pastor at church, had remained behind to help me put away the last few things.

Recently divorced, I still attended church, taught Sunday School and had agreed to hold the studies at my apartment because let’s face it, we were less likely to inconvenience children and spouses there.

I’d been silently seething at the unfairness of my situation for some time. I don’t recall saying much about it, but it must have shown.

As my friend got his things to leave, he turned to me and said, “Tim, you know you can talk to God about how you feel. He knows already.”

That’s all it took. No fanfare. Just a friendship built on honesty and the willingness to share what God leads you to share. And it made a difference in my life.

When I look at that horse, I don’t think about the Fire Department, a career, or what occasion brought it to our house. I think of friends.

How about you? What makes for good friends?

8 thoughts on “I think of friends…

  1. You and your wife are both such a treasure, and the very best kind of friends! You’re absolutely right that being a true friend has to be intentional. It’s too easy to let the the busy-ness of life interfere and pull us away from those important relationships. Being intentional keeps us from allowing that to happen.

    1. Thank you Terri. I can honestly say watching the two of you interact teaches me more about being a friend than anything I read.

  2. Friends are people you feel comfortable with and can be honest with. When you tell them what they need to hear they don’t take offense. Friends are also people you can be silent with and still be comfortable.

    1. You are so right Ed. I don’t believe I’ve thought of your last statement that way before. It makes sense. When you’re with someone new or maybe trying to get to know someone, it’s awkward to just be silent. With friends, you often gain comfort in the silence. Thanks for sharing that.

  3. There’s a fine line between being a co-worker and becoming a friend. Those of us that work spend an unbalanced amount of time with people we don’t choose as a friend. Developing relationships with a co-worker is almost a must. Becoming friends is an added perk to any workplace. My non-traditional job causes me to spend my days working alongside only men,. Construction job sites are pretty brutal battlegrounds for developing deep friendships. I grew up with all female siblings….. four of us girls. My Dad used to mutter, ‘ I shoulda bought stock in the Kotex Company,’ Your post reminds me how valuable it is to spend the time and effort to be friends. . The desire to do a good job at work, the need to get along with people you spend half your life with, and the opportunity to share your life experiences set the foundation for real friendships. I am blessed to work with a group of honest guys, so honest they can quickly hurt your feelings …..,,, unless your good friends. Only then you can reply, ‘thanks for the advice’ instead of, ‘ you didn’t just say that, did you?’’ Value in friendships comes from the depth of honesty and the respect of difference.

    1. Jane, you are an inspiration in many ways. We don’t get a chance to talk much, but knowing the industry you are in (and the role you play) I’m always encouraged by hearing about the relationships you’ve built with your team. You do a great job with that. You bring that same relationship-building ability when you work with the Seniors, I’m sure just applied differently (I’m guessing anyway—maybe not 🙂 ). Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

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